Just for once

I choose to be insane

just for once

knitting the string of your sweet talks

chanting every charm of your whisper


I choose to be insane

just for once

to say your name in every prayer of my hopes

falling asleep in the arm of the dreams about you


I choose to be insane

just for once

my doubts are lost in your embrace

my soul entrapped in your kiss


I choose to be insane

just for once

to forever walk in the shadow of your morning

carving a trail in moments with no end


I choose to be insane

just for once

to love you a little bit longer

with no rules

no causes

no circumstances

no end

If loving you makes me insane

I choose to be

Just for once






Aku memilih jadi gila

Untuk sekali ini saja

Merajut benang-benang rayuan yang kau pintal

Mendendangkan setiap pujian yang kau lantunkan

Aku memilih jadi gila

Untuk sekali ini saja

Mengucap indah namamu dalam setiap doa penuh harap

Terlelap dalam dekapan mimpi-mimpi tentang kamu

Aku memilih jadi gila

Untuk sekali ini saja

Terhilang ragaku dalam pelukanmu

Terbelenggu jiwaku dalam ciumanmu

Aku memilih jadi gila

Untuk sekali ini saja

Ingin selamanya menapaki pagi bersama bayanganmu

Dan memahat jejak dalam bentangan waktu yang tidak akan terhenti

Aku memilih jadi gila

Untuk sekali ini saja

Untuk mencintaimu sedikit lebih lama

Tanpa aturan

Tanpa sebab

Tanpa kondisi

Tanpa waktu

Jika mencintaimu bikin aku gila

Aku memilih jadi gila

Untuk sekali ini saja



On the 10th floor, the lift door opened and a young man walked in. Wearing a pale blue shirt and dark blue trousers, Alina’s glance fixed on his smile. Charming. Alina thought. At least I was lucky to have a charming smile with me through the basement. Fortunately, her meeting finished after the busy office hour so she could feel at ease being in an empty lift. She often got panic if the lift was full with people.

“Good evening,” the guy greeted her after pushed the P2 button.

“Good evening,” Alina smiled.

“Which floor are you in ? “ he leaned against the wall in front of her. It looked like he was glad that there were only two of them in the lift. His face was kind of lightened.

“Oh, I don’t work in this building. I just had a meeting on the 12th. How about   you ?”

“My office is here.”

By the time he finished saying it, suddenly a loud bang was heard. The lift jolted. Alina  jumped aside in a panic .

“What was it ?” she asked in horror. She quickly looked at the buttons beside the door. Off. Duh ! Please, don’t let this lift break down, God, Alina pleaded.

The guy immediately pushed the phone button . A voice came out from the speaker, asking them to stay calm . The lift would be normal in a few minutes.

Alina was terrified hearing the brief conversation between the guy and the person from the maintenance room. She took out her mobile. Oh no ! No signal at all.

“Relax, lady. It’s nothing. The lift will be normal in a minute.” The guy calmed her down.

Alina with her heart was beating fast , nodding weakly. Looking at his calming smile, Alina tried to get grip on herself.

“Well, I am easily get panic if get locked in a small room.”

Let him knew my weakness, Alina thought. It’s better than she pretended to be brave and suddenly collapsed. That would be unbearable embarrassed .

The guy with that nice smile, holding out his hand.

“At least for a while, we can have a chat and know each other’s name. I am Adrian.”

Shyly, Alina took his hand and said her name. She felt a sharp cold on his hand. Perhaps it’s because the air-condition. She felt this building’s central air-condition was too much as well.

Now she could take a good look of his face. He’s not too good looking but he seemed nice with his smiling lips . He had a clear black eyes . If we looked at it for quite long, it would give us a cold feeling. But Alina felt the way Adrian looked at her was friendly . That made her forget her panic .

Alina agreed with him that at least by talking to each other, she could be calm and breathed easily.

“Do you realize that people like us whose names started with A , get disadvantage sometimes,” said Adrian.

“Is it ? I’d never thought about it,” Alina laughed slightly.

“When I was at Elementary , I was always asked to sit in front and if I skipped class, I was easily known ,because my name was on the first list,” Adrian laughed and showed off his fine white teeth. Alina laughed too.

“Hmm, when was it ?” Alina teased.

“Well, probably just two grades before you,” Adrian laughed.

“Have you worked here long ?”

“Yup. Long enough to take the parking space for new tenants.”

Alina laughed. What a clown. It felt talking to him for hours would not be boring. But sadly, they would part in a few minutes. Alina hoped they could talk a bit longer and asked for each other’s phone number. Having another new friend sounded good, especially the one who was charming like Adrian.

“Looks like you are lucky enough to not being able to move out from this building.”

“Too bad, you are right. I am .” Adrian looked away at the door. Alina saw he narrowed his eyes, like he was holding a pain inside him.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

Adrian looked at her and smiled.

“Well, sometimes what we want in this life is not what we get. Don’t you think   so ?”

Alina nodded. Yes. Like what she was having right now. Trapped in this lift with Adrian though he was nice , but this had delayed her to meet Sandra for a movie at Pacific Place . They had planned to see “Gravity”. Sandra must have been worried as her phone had no signal at all. The movie would begin in about ten minutes.

Suddenly the lift button was on and through the speaker they were informed that the lift would stop on the main lobby. Alina was relieved. Thank God it would not stop on the parking floor where they would face an empty area. In another six floor, they would say goodbye to each other.

“Thank you for the chat. It cured my panic.” Alina smiled.

“My pleasure.”

Shortly before the door opened on the main lobby, Alina held out her hand . Adrian softly held it briefly. His hand was still as cold as ice.

“Take care.” I hope to see you again one day, Alina thought.

Adrian just smiled.

In front of the open door, there were four men who two of them were the maintenance staff, considered their uniform, and two looked like the building management staff.

“I am Lukman from the management. We do apologize for the trouble, Mam,” said one of the men with no uniform.

Alina nodded. “I was a bit worried back then but thank God there was a guy from the 10th floor who was with me. He was the one who called the maintenance when the lift broke down.”

The four men were staring at each other in an awe.

“Do you know his name, Mam ?”

“Yes. Adrian. “ Alina looked left and right looking for Adrian but she did not see him. He had gone like a shadow.

“We both were going down to the parking lot.”

The four men stayed still then the guy whose name was Lukman, said to Alina.

“Pardon me, Mam. We don’t want to scare you away but you were the only person in the lift. And the man you talked about ? Mr. Adrian, he was killed in this building bombing in 2000. You’re right. His office was on the 10th floor. This has happened once before.”

When Alina heard the man’s explanation, she felt the floor crushed down. She was staring at them in a terrible shock . A chilling goosebump crept all over her body. She was clearly looking at Adrian’s nice smile and felt his cold hand when they shook hands.





Pada lantai sepuluh , lift berhenti. Pintu terbuka dan melenggang masuk seorang lelaki muda. Mengenakan kemeja lengan pendek polos biru pucat dan celana biru tua, pandangan Alina lebih tertuju pada senyuman lelaki itu. Charming. Alina membatin. Lumayan , sepuluh lantai menuju basement ada yang enak dipandang. Untunglah meetingnya selesai pas jam sibuk sudah lewat jadi setidaknya dia bisa lega di dalam lift tanpa merasa panik dalam lift yang penuh sesak .

“Selamat sore,” sapa lelaki itu setelah menekan tombol P2.

“Selamat sore.” Alina tersenyum.

“Kantor di lantai berapa, Mbak ?” lelaki tersebut bersandar ke dinding lift di hadapannya. Sepertinya dia lega juga lift hanya terisi mereka berdua. Keliatan dari raut mukanya yang tampak cerah.

“Oh saya hanya meeting tadi di lantai 12. Anda sendiri ?”

“Ya, saya ngantor di sini.”

Begitu lelaki itu selesai menjawab, tiba-tiba bunyi seperti sesuatu yang menghantam lantai terdengar. Alina seketika melompat dan tersandar pada dinding .

“Apa nih?” ujarnya panik. Dengan cepat diliriknya tombol-tombol lantai dekat pintu. Mati. Aduh ! Please, jangan lift nya tiba-tiba ngadat, Tuhan. Alina membatin cepat-cepat.

Lelaki di depannya dengan cepat menekan tombol phone . terdengar suara dari speaker memberitahu agar mereka yang berada dalam lift tetap tenang . Lift akan segera normal dalam beberapa saat.

Alina lemas mendengar percakapan antara lelaki itu dengan orang dari ruang maintenance lift. Diambilnya handphone dari dalam tas. Ampun ! Tidak ada sinyal.

“Tenang, Mbak. Tidak apa-apa. Sebentar lagi lift berjalan normal.” Lelaki itu menenangkannya.

Alina masih dalam keadaan panik dengan jantung berdebar-debar, mengangguk-angguk seperti orang bloon. Melihat senyuman menentramkan lelaki tersebut, sedikitnya dia berusaha untuk tenang.

“Ya. Saya suka panik kalau terkurung di ruang tertutup.”

Biarlah lelaki itu tahu kelemahannya. Daripada dia sok berani dan tiba-tiba pingsan. Sangat memalukan.

Lelaki tersebut masih dengan tersenyum, mengulurkan tangannya.

“Setidaknya untuk beberapa saat , kita bisa mengobrol dan tahu nama masing-masing. Saya, Adrian.”

Dengan agak malu, Alina menyambut uluran tangannya sambil menyebutkan namanya. Genggaman tangan Adrian agak terasa dingin. Mungkin dari AC karena tadi juga di ruang meeting, Alina kedinginan.

Sekarang baru lebih diperhatikannya raut wajah Adrian. Tidak tampan tapi menarik dengan bibirnya yang tampak selalu tersenyum itu. Matanya hitam jernih. Kalau dipandang lama-lama agak ngeri juga. Tapi Alina merasakan pandangan Adrian padanya ramah , sehingga rasa paniknya perlahan-lahan menghilang.

Alina setuju saran lelaki tersebut bahwa setidaknya dengan mengobrol, dia bisa melupakan rasa panik dan sesak nafasnya yang serasa tidak ada oksigen di dalam lift.

“Kamu sadar nggak kalau kita yang bernama berawalan A kadang ada disadvantagenya,” ujar Adrian.

“Apa ya ? Aku sih nggak pernah memikirkan itu,” Alina tertawa kecil.

“Kalau aku, waktu masih di SD, selalu diminta duduk di depan dan pasti ketahuan kalau bolos karena nama di absen selalu yang paling pertama,” Adrian tertawa dan menampakkan barisan gigi putihnya. Alina ikut tertawa.

“Wah, SD jaman kapan itu ? “ candanya.

“Paling dua kelas di atas kamu,” sahut Adrian tertawa.

“Sudah lama ngantor di sini ? “

“Ya, cukup lama untuk mengambil jatah space parkir penghuni gedung yang baru.”

Alina tertawa. Konyol juga lelaki ini. Rasanya mengobrol berjam-jam dengan dia akan terasa menyenangkan. Tapi sayangnya, sebentar lagi mereka akan terpisah. Alina sedikit berharap mereka mengobrol cukup lama untuk saling menukar nomor telepon. Menambah teman tidak ada salahnya. Apalagi yang menyenangkan seperti Adrian.

“Beruntungnya sudah nggak mungkin pindah ya ?”

“Sayangnya, ya.” Adrian melemparkan padangannya ke pintu lift. Dari samping, Alina bisa melihat matanya menyipit, seperti menahan rasa sakit.

“Maaf Adrian, aku bercanda.” Alina merasa tidak enak.

Adrian menoleh dan tersenyum.

“Well, kadang keinginan kita tidak selalu sesuai dengan keadaan yang kita hadapi. Dalam banyak hal di hidup. Menurutmu, benar tidak ?”

Alina mengangguk. Ya. Seperti keadaannya sekarang . Terjebak dalam lift bersama Adrian dan membuat dia kehilangan waktu untuk menemui Sandra di PP untuk nonton bareng Gravity. Pasti Sandra panik menunggunya sementara handphonenya tidak bisa dihubungi dan jam masuk bioskop sepuluh menit lagi. Meskipun gantinya, dia mendapat teman ngobrol seramah Adrian.

Tiba-tiba tombol lift menyala dan lewat speaker mereka diberitahu lift akan berhenti di Lobby Utama. Alina bernafas lega. Setidaknya lift tidak berhenti di tempat parkir yang begitu pintunya terbuka, yang terlihat hanya area kosong. Enam lantai lagi mereka akan berpisah.

“Terima kasih ya atas obrolannya. Rasa panikku jadi lenyap.”


Sesaat sebelum pintu lift terbuka di Lobby Utama, Alina mengulurkan tangannya dan disambut Adrian. Tangan Adrian masih sedingin tadi.

“Sampai jumpa.” Dalam hatinya Alina membatin, semoga kita bisa ketemu lagi.

Adrian hanya tersenyum.

Di depan pintu sudah berdiri beberapa orang, yang tampak dari seragamnya , mereka pasti bagian maintenance gedung, serta dua orang berpakaian biasa. Mungkin dari pengelola gedung.

“ Saya Lukman dari pengelola gedung . Kami mohon maaf , Bu, atas kejadian ini,” ujar salah satu dari lelaki itu.

Alina mengangguk. “Ya. Tadi saya sempat kuatir tapi untunglah ada pegawai dari lantai 10 yang bersama saya. Dia yang menelpon ke bagian maintenance begitu liftnya mati.”

Empat lelaki di hadapannya saling berpandangan.

“Ibu tahu nama orang tersebut ?”

“Ya. Namanya Adrian.” Alina melihat kiri kanan mencari sosok Adrian tapi sudah tidak nampak. Seperti menghilang saja perginya.

“Kami sama-sama mau ke parkiran,” ujar Alina.

Keempat lelaki tersebut terdiam. Lalu lelaki yang bernama Lukman tersebut berujar.

“Maaf Bu, kami tidak bermaksud menakuti Ibu, tapi tadi Ibu sendirian saja di dalam lift. Dan Pak Adrian yang Ibu bilang itu, almarhum meninggal dalam pengeboman gedung thn 2000, Bu. Memang, kantornya di lantai 10, Bu. Kejadian seperti yang Ibu alami sudah pernah terjadi sebelumnya. “

Begitu mendengar penjelasan tersebut, kali ini Alina merasa lantai yang dipijaknya benar-benar ambruk. Dia membelalak dengan mulut ternganga. Rasa dingin mengaliri seluruh tubuhnya. Di pelupuk matanya hanya terbayang senyum ramah Adrian dan genggamannya yang sedingin es.



You are the one that I love 
and I am saying goodbye
We have left a trail easily wiped off by rain
You took hold of my hands
but I couldn’t even touch your fingers
You embraced me within 
but I saw myself breaking into pieces
Your love warmed me
but I shivered deep inside
I let you own my naked soul
but I couldn’t keep yours
(she still carries it )
You are the one that I love
and I am saying goodbye

Benteng Heritage Museum

It has been there since 2011 and I just knew it this year. So I decided to make a time to visit it , mostly coz I always love museum and everything that ‘smell’ ancient fragrant. No one would believe that the museum is located inside a local traditional market, where if you go there in mornings, you have to pass by the fresh fish, meat, fruits , vegetables and spices area. You have to squeeze yourself among other buyers and walk-side seller in the market. But it was fun as I also love going to local market , a place where you can truly see the real market of a town. If you wonder why a museum is located in such a place, it’s because it was originally a house and was believed to be built around 17th. In 2009, an Indonesian Chinese named Udaya, bought the house and made a thoroughly restoration . Since then he collected and was given artifacts that some Chinese family had to be put in the house . We can still have some glimpse of the ancient architecture of the house such as the door, the inside railings , the window and amazingly there is a beautiful sculpture on the ceiling bean made of pieces of ancient Chinese plate. The sculpture told the story of Three Kingdoms, part historical, part legend, part myth from Han dynasty . A story about the famous general , Guan Yu who was known to always carry the green dragon crescent blade. The story is well known among the Chinese people in Indonesia.

The museum itself describes a part of how Chinese entered Indonesia via Tangerang, West Java in the era where admiral  Cheng Ho embarked on his mission to find new lands and people outside China.

I admired most of the architecture and the sculpture that is stated as the most fine ceiling beam’s sculpture in South East Asia where we still can find the old Chinese houses with their handmade sculpture .

the location of the museum

the location of the museum

the front door

the front door

details on every doors in the house

details on every doors in the house

a part in the museum. the floor is originated from the first time the house was built in 17century

a part in the museum. the floor is originated from the first time the house was built in 17century

things that considered have high art value

things that considered have high art value

Ash table

Ash table

old cabinet

old cabinet

washstand usually used by a newly bride

washstand usually used by a newly bride

an ancient safety box

an ancient safety box

Erhu, the chinese traditional music instrument

Erhu, the chinese traditional music instrument

Shoes that used for foot binding ( Lotus fee ) in old traditional Chinese culture . It was said that the smaller the feet, the prettier the girl would become . The feet did not grow larger than 7inch

Shoes that used for foot binding ( Lotus fee ) in old traditional Chinese culture . It was said that the smaller the feet, the prettier the girl would become . The feet did not grow larger than 7inch

These are the sculpture on the ceiling beam in the house. It tells the story of General Guan Yu, who rescued his sister-in-law and fought the enemy through five gates in the legend of Three Kingdoms.

General Guan Yu, the man on the horse at the left side, carried the famous green crescent blade. Far left was his sister-in-law ( the woman on the cart )

General Guan Yu, the man on the horse at the left side, carried the famous green crescent blade.
Far left was his sister-in-law ( the woman on the cart )

The second and third gate he had to go through

The second and third gate he had to go through

The fourth gate

The fourth gate

The final gate

The final gate


Lunch Box ( flash fiction )

He waited impatiently and feeling anxious at the same time. His palms started to sweat . He did not know it’s for joy or nervous. It felt like a cold feet one. Yup. That was it. ‘What if’ was shooting his head. What if she answered the call and he was speechless .

The Samsung in his palm felt a bit greasy . He put it onto the left hand and rubbed his right palm against  his T-Shirt. He didn’t pay attention to the sweet eagle eyes in front of him. He was too anxious to think about anything else except for what would the girl say when she answered the call in any  seconds now.

“Why does it take so long ?” he got more impatient.

“Easy, champ. Maybe she hasn’t heard it.”

“My heart is thumping,” he said in a whisper to the woman who was sitting in front of him. He wondered, why he didn’t feel like this when he talked to Alvian.

The woman felt a sudden pull around her mouth. She desperately wanted to laugh it out but she held herself nicely , and instead, she smiled wildly wide.

All of a sudden, the round cute face with blushing cheeks in front of her became tense.

“Uuhh ehh …” he answered a hello he heard over the phone.

“Go on…”

With his heart was thumping faster, he replied.

“Hello Beatrice, this is Toara.” He glanced at his mother who was holding up a thumb towards him.

“Hmm..I just want to say thank you. You have shared me your lunch. Mommy forgot that it was not the lunch together day.” He gave his mother a giggle. He was blushing all over.

“That’s all. Bye…” he gave the mobile to his mother and ran outside. The mission was accomplished. Actually he already said thank you to Beatrice at school.He just wanted to hear that sweet voice once again . That nice little girl with Princess Elsa hairstyle had shared her peanut butter bread with him at lunch time.


Dia menunggu dengan rasa yang tidak karuan. Tangannya mulai basah oleh keringat. Entah keringat senang atau keringat gugup. Sepertinya keringat panik. Ya tepatnya itu. Panik kalau deringan di ujung sana disahutin  dan dia tidak bisa berkata-kata. 

Samsung di tangannya mulai agak licin karena basah. Diopernya ke tangan kirinya lalu menggosok-gosok telapak kanannya ke T-Shirt tanpa peduli pelototin manis di depannya. Dia terlalu gugup untuk memikirkan hal lainnya selain membayangi kata apa yang akan diucapkan cewek berkuncir itu saat menjawabnya dalam beberapa detik mendatang.

“Kok lama ya ?” dia mulai tidak sabaran.

“Sebentar lagi. Mungkin dia nggak dengar.”

“Hati aku kejeduk-kejeduk, ” dia berkata seperti bunyi bisikan ke perempuan yang  duduk di depannya. Heran, kenapa kalau ngobrol sama Alvian hatinya nggak berasa kaya gini ya.

Perempuan di depannya merasakan tarikan tiba-tiba di seputar mulut dan pipinya. Dia ingin tertawa geli  tapi ditahannya . Alhasil dia hanya tersenyum amat sangat lebar sambil  mengangguk-angguk.

Tiba-tiba wajah bulat dengan pipi merona merah di depannya mendadak tegang. 

“Uuuhhh eeh…” dijawabnya dengan gugup sahutan halo di kupingnya.


Dengan hati yang tambah  kejeduk-kejeduk, disahutinya suara bening itu.

“Halo Beatrice. Ini Toara.” Dilirik Mamanya yang mengacungkan jempol sambil tersenyum manis kepadanya.

“Eehhh…aku mau bilang terima kasih, tadi kamu sudah share ke aku roti kamu. Soalnya Mamaku lupa hari ini nggak ada makan bersama.” Dia tersenyum malu ke arah Mamanya. Pipinya bersemu merah. 

“Udah ya. Byee..” diserahkannya Samsung di tangannya ke Mamanya lalu berlari keluar . Misinya telah selesai. Dia hanya ingin mendengar suara  Beatrice setelah tadi, gadis kecil berkuncir princess Elsa itu berbaik hati membagi lunch box dengannya. Padahal tadi di sekolah dia sudah bilang terima kasih.  


Dressed in a stunning red
pinned up her glowing hair
heart beat like a thousand horses’ trot
racing against the blush on her cheeks
it would be a fine day
Then it all crushed down
Her appointment left her
let alone her confusion
battling in a vague anguish

painting by Andre Kohn

painting by Andre Kohn

This is one of his works that I am deeply in love with. I don’t know why.Maybe it’s because I love the red he used, so stunning. I am not an art expert . I just love to see paintings that ‘speak’ right to my heart when I spotted it, and this is one of many. When I saw this , the poem just popped out my mind.

Banyan Tree

What a beautiful Banyan tree. I captured it at Kinasih resort in Bogor, West Java Indonesia. She is over forty and going strong and big. But the owner takes good care of it so she is gorgeous to be seen from any angle. I do love this snapshots. It may not be as good as a professional’s taking but I enjoyed it.

IMG_2143IMG_2148 IMG_2149IMG_2152 IMG_2160

At the end of a journey

One journey has reached its end

you are at the holy gate

you have left behind

your dusty footprints

in Heaven’s abundant and spacious grace


You have stripped down

the rusty armor of your heart

for a beautiful and fragrance garment

of the Greatest Love


You have exposed your bare self ego

and put it in the palm of

the most merciful and forgiving Almighty


on a new clean canvas soul

you will paint a new you

that will complete the plan of the Most High


I wrote this to remember the fasting journey by beloved Moslem  families and friends had taken before they celebrated the Eid Mubarak two weeks ago



Satu perjalanan sudah usai
berada di gerbang mulia.
Telah kau tinggalkan
jejak jejak berdebu
pada luas dan dalamnya
kemurahan surgawi .
Telah kau tanggalkan
selimut hati yang usang
dalam balutan keindahan dan semerbak
cinta Yang Maha Agung .
Dalam keikhlasan dan ketakwaan
telah kau telanjangi ke-Aku-anmu
dan kau taruh dalam genggaman Yang Maha Pengampun .
Pada kanvas jiwa yang baru
akan kau lukis Aku yang
menyempurnakan rancangan Sang Maha Pencipta



In a silence

I don’t speak

And God doesn’t either

God and I are listening to one another

In the silence

God touches my deepest thoughts

I capture ( trying to ) HIS strength

In all my anxiety, worries and loneliness

God embraces me with HIS everlasting grace

I taste HIS Love with all my being



Aku tidak berbicara,

Dan Tuhan tidak berbicara

Aku bersama Tuhan saling mendengarkan

Melalui keheningan

Tuhan menyentuh pikiranku yang terdalam

Aku memahami ( mencoba ) penguatan Tuhan

Dalam riak keraguan, kegundahan, kesendirian

Tuhan mendekap aku dengan harap tak berbatas

Aku menghirup cintaNya sepenuh jiwa