I was there… ( part Two )

Deadly chilling air pricked the skin,

killed the soft warm heat of the sun that was trying to rush its light over the sky.

There were still thousand of people gathered on the courtyard,

walled by the fearful soldiers , preying with a rotten hatred to every one of us.

When You came out, bare back with only a piece of dirty cloth wrapping Your waist , walked to the scouring place. Not a word came out Your mouth. You entered the place like a lamb being brought to slaughterhouse.

Ear-splitting sound blended with heartbreaking cry filled the air.

I closed my eyes when a soldier swung the whip and the sound of Your ripping skin pierced my ears.

Fresh blood covered Your whole body.

When Your shrieking groan burnt the chilling morning air, clothed the sky with a red blood atmosphere, I opened my eyes.

Your face and figure slashed my sight.

Your beautiful face that I once saw laughing with the children You blessed, the face that taught people on the Mount with a loving voice…

Your graceful body that danced with the bride in Cana , shielded the adulterous woman from stoning…

Your strong hands with delicate skin that sculptured tables with Joseph, fed the five thousand people with only two fish and five loaves…

No one could describe the beauty of the person in my sight right now.

I could not glimpse the smiling eyes, the striking golden hair.

Your whole body was like a surreal paint on canvas, only a broken figure colored with bloody red and black.

Where was the good looking human being whom cheered as a King by people and me, a while ago ?

Some people who stood there were stunned, covered their faces with both hands and silently cried, unbearable to look at You as a human.

Some looked at You with victorious smile, laughed, mocked You with abusive words.

I was silent. I was there…


The road to be travelled was small, curved , dusty and half covered by sharp gravels.

A crowd had piled along the road.

The mutes who now spoke, spitting on You

They who once worshipped You, now yelling and scolding

They who once leprosy and hungry , now healthy and plump , were trying to pull Your robe but the soldiers warded them off with their spear.

A thunder yelling from the Roman soldiers and people’s scolding buzzing around, coagulated into dust in the air, covered the whole sky with an oppressive feeling that burnt the crying souls , who mourned over the journey You had to endure.

The cross on Your shoulder weighed and pulled down Your weak body.

You fell for the second time.

A hard kick on Your knee could not make You stand right away.

You stayed on the dusty ground for a second.

And before the sharp blow touched Your naked arm, You staggeringly stood.

A few women wailed a heartbreaking cry.

My heart bled, my voice caught in my throat.

You looked toward us, extended a hand , blessed each of us.

With a low voice that sounded like soft breeze brushed the sweating faces, You comforted us.

You who should be comforted, gave the strength to us.

The human strength captured Your weaken body.

A soldier grabbed a man to help You carrying the cross, the man said his name ; Simon from Cyrene.

His muscular body took over the weigh off Your shoulder.

With a bloody and disfigured face, You whispered a thank you.

There was joy sparkled on Simon’s face.

The end of Your journey was almost over

I was there…


A feeling of horror filled the Calvary.

Two crosses already hung.

One by one , people drew a distance from where You were

Only Your mother, Mary and few disciples came as close as the borderline drawn by the soldiers.

And the time came. A moment that wrenched every heart, ripped the soul, separated the bone from the flesh, cut every inch of the skin from the nerve, washed down every single stinky dust from every breath.

The blood that covered Your beautiful face and body had dried out.

Left only the purple black lumps on your humanity.

You were bare naked. The soldiers had divided Your robe between them. All things You owned had been ripped off from You. Like dust, the only thing left was Your breath.

And for the final torture, they awarded You with a pain that killed all Your human sense. A rusty nail tore Your vein, broke the bone in Your hands and feet. There was no sound.

You opened Your mouth, bowed and whispered to the Father who had turned His face away from You.

You said a prayer, cleansed every soul from the sucking mud and devil’s sting who built its kingdom in every anger, worries, disappointment, envy, greed for earthy desire, despair, bitterness…

The sky turned black, the earth cracked like furious beasts from every corner of the earth, tore the hearing nerves.

Everyone ran for a shelter. But there was no safe place from the sting of the earth and heaven’s rage.

The living souls were killed. The dead souls were arisen.

I was there.

The cry of fear vanished into the sound of the rumbling sky and crashing earth. Every soul trembled, cried out for forgiveness.

You looked onto the sky, Your scream conquered the anger of heaven and earth ; “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani…”

…surrendered Your soul, took off Your humanity…took the last breath…brought back to the Father every fractured soul trapped in sin…

“It is finished…”

The air froze.

Nothing made a sound.

The earth was silent. The sky was crying. Heaven was mourning.

The holy fragrance spelled from Your drooping body, cleansed every soul on earth.

I was there…


I was there… ( part One )

I took a piece of the most delicate linen

A new , dark purple one and still smelled like fresh air.

Joyfully, I laid it down on the dry and dusty road

cushioned Your steps to the glorious moment

I danced and waved two pieces of palm.

With many other thousands of people

we sang and exclaimed ‘Hosanna…’

Our victory, Glory to the Lord.

When You passed by where I stood,

I was stunned, speechless.

You looked at me and smiled

You smiled not only with Your lips but with Your eyes,

Thrust into my chest, pierced my soul,

it’s like touching my toes onto the refreshing Jordan river

when the heat stroke my skin.

Everyone was dancing, singing in a wild and thundering joy

swung with the shadow of Your robe till we lost You in the sight

I was there …


I stood shoulder on shoulder with thousand of people

in the front gate of Pontius Pilate’s yard.

Everyone was pushing around, jerking and kicking

I didn’t care whom I pushed to make myself reach the door

and moved quickly into the courtyard.

The sound of people talking was like the sound of a hundred thousand buzzing bees,

piercing my eardrum, breaking my consciousness.

Suddenly,there was a chilling silence when I caught Your presence,

stood between the pillars on the patio.

Your golden hair unraveled and messy,

Your white robe had turned into a dusty color.

You had no belt on your waist , instead You had Your both hands roped

But there was one thing that remained the same…

It’s like standing right in front of You,

I looked at the smiling eyes

Passing through the distance between Your place and mine.

My soul trembled.

I was dead silence, losing my mind.

Everyone was yelling about Golgotha and Crucifixion and Barabbas and You

I didn’t make a sound, my lips were numb.

Some people were shouting, like hungry lions, preyed upon their victim

Some other were wailing, shooting up their fists , punched over the sky

Some women were weeping, some other were laughing

I didn’t make a sound, I didn’t make a choice

I was there…

The Spaghetti Week

This week has been my Spaghetti week. I had it for my lunch on Monday till yesterday. The taste varied from sweet and creamy to spicy one. I put here the  two that I remember to take picture.


This first one is Ketchup Spaghetti, adapted from Nami’s recipe at http://www.justonecookbook.com . I always love her easy recipes, mostly Japanese food or the western style with Asian taste. Actually the one I made is not precisely  as Nami’s because  I didn’t have the mushroom and green bell pepper. For original recipe, please visit Nami’s blog.


Aha! This one is my own recipe. I put anything that I could think of matching with the tuna. And I loved it. A perfect mix of Asian’s best spices, lemon cui ( Calamondin ) , basil,  and chili padi.

Here is the recipe.

200 gr Angel hair

200 gr smoked tuna, cut into bite size

A bunch of fresh basil leaves , roughly slice and leave some for garnish


Juice of 1 lemon cui

Olive oil

5 gloves of garlic, thinly sliced

3 or 4 chili padi, thinly sliced

1/2 tablespoon sesame oil

* Cook the Angel hair as its instruction, pour with cold water and set aside. I cook it half way I cook the other ingredients so the spaghetti will not becomes too dry and sticky.

* Pour two tablespoons olive oil into pan and stir-fry the garlic until golden and fragrant.

* Add tuna, chili padi and basil into the garlic, stirring for just a minute.

* Sprinkle the tuna mixture with sesame oil , salt and lemon cui juice.

* Add the Angel hair, stirring just until well combined. Serve and garnish with basil leaves.

Selamat makan ! Buon appetito ! Itadakimasu !

Living in the moment

The wise man says, live in the moment and indulge in it, you will be more happier… I think I read it somewhere just perhaps it just digs in my mind.

I am living in the moment these days. In many days I try to make the best of it but for many days, the feeling is weighing me down.

She lives in the moment nowadays. Sometimes I just want to talk about what just happened in the morning or yesterday or remind her about what would be done the next day, but I have learned that it has become hard for her to live in that stage of her life.

So everything I say or things that she needs to do, I prepare to make it happen in that moment of being happening. Not a ten minutes ago, not a ten minutes later.

Sweet Rose Pancake with Chocolate Sauce


Cold day started with a pile of fluffy pancake is heaven. Quick, easy and simple, I found this one of the closed-eyes-recipes to be my favorite. It’s better having it right away as they are done, with warm chocolate sauce, a cup of latte…  a good day is here.

Ingredients :

177 ml milk

1 egg

1 cup flour

2 tablespoon vinegar, mix into the milk

2 tablespoon sugar

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 tablespoon butter, melted

food coloring


Whisk the egg and combine with milk and melted butter

Combine all the dry ingredients and add to the egg mixture

Drop the amount of food coloring liquid as per your desire. I used 1 teaspoon red rose

Let aside the pancake mixture for 20 minutes before you cook them

Heat a lightly oiled frying pan with medium high, scoop a batter and cook each side for about two minutes. Serve hot with chocolate sauce

Chocolate Sauce

1/2 cup milk combine with 1/2 cup cacao, a pinch of salt and sugar to your desire.

Cook for just being warm, not boiled.

I add a 100gram milk chocolate Delfi to make it tastier.


Sometimes she is a five years old one who cuts her hand while cooking and has no idea what to do with the wound. She wrapped it with her handkerchief and just  said  my hand is bleeding. I am still in a shock dealing with it. Cleaned  her hand and told her how to put a bandage on it. She nodded. I am not sure she could remember it.