Jesus did what He said. He finished His mission without second thought. He loves me that much to die at the cross, to endure an excruciating torture a human body could ever take.. And He promises me He will prepare a room for me in His Father’s Kingdom that where He is, I will also be with Him. And never, ever, He leaves me alone as an orphan.
faith
A little miracle
I believe in Angels. I believe that sometimes God sends one of His Guardian Angels to help us in any way, whether we realize it or not.
Today I experienced a heartfelt of thankfulness to what God did, poking me , to remind me that He protects .
Rain poured down since early morning so I told my mother to stay home, take rest and I would go to church by myself.
Later when I had left, she changed and went to church. She is 82 years old and has started to have early stage of dementia. I have reminded her many times to not going out by herself as we don’t know if she is going to suddenly forget her way back home.
As usual I switched my mobile on silence mode when I got at the church, but few minutes later when the mass began, I took my mobile and saw some missed calls from a neighbor. There must be something wrong at home , either with my father or mother. I rushed out to the hall and called her back. My neighbor told me that my mother had left saying she was going to church. They tried to go after her but she had gone already, and nobody around the street saw her take a taxi or a local public transport ( angkot ; minibus used as local public transport around the area ).
I was a bit panic . She never took angkot to go to church and I was not sure she could make it crossing the busy intersection near the church, to make it worse, the church is not on angkot’s route.
I was making the call near the food stall in the hall where some women from the church community selling food and cakes on Sunday during the mass. One of the ladies overheard my phone call and said to me , ” I saw your mother went up to the main hall. We have told her that we saw you in here but she said she wanted to sit at the elder’s pew.”
I was so relieved and thanked the lady. I told them briefly of what had happened and they told me to understand that sometimes old people get stubborn.
When later I met my mother, I asked her how she got there. She told me she took the angkot. I said ” Oh gosh, you crossed the traffic light ? It’ s a chaos over there.”
She replied , ” No, I didn’t. The angkot stopped right in front of the church gate.”
I said no way. This is not their local route.
She said that’s what really happened and even the driver refused to take the fare from her.
I asked her how many people were in the angkot. She replied, “Just me and him.”
I looked up at the cross on the altar and silently whispered a thank you to God.
I said to my mother, ” You know, Mom. An angel took you here.”
First Love
I was there… ( part Two )
Deadly chilling air pricked the skin,
killed the soft warm heat of the sun that was trying to rush its light over the sky.
There were still thousand of people gathered on the courtyard,
walled by the fearful soldiers , preying with a rotten hatred to every one of us.
When You came out, bare back with only a piece of dirty cloth wrapping Your waist , walked to the scouring place. Not a word came out Your mouth. You entered the place like a lamb being brought to slaughterhouse.
Ear-splitting sound blended with heartbreaking cry filled the air.
I closed my eyes when a soldier swung the whip and the sound of Your ripping skin pierced my ears.
Fresh blood covered Your whole body.
When Your shrieking groan burnt the chilling morning air, clothed the sky with a red blood atmosphere, I opened my eyes.
Your face and figure slashed my sight.
Your beautiful face that I once saw laughing with the children You blessed, the face that taught people on the Mount with a loving voice…
Your graceful body that danced with the bride in Cana , shielded the adulterous woman from stoning…
Your strong hands with delicate skin that sculptured tables with Joseph, fed the five thousand people with only two fish and five loaves…
No one could describe the beauty of the person in my sight right now.
I could not glimpse the smiling eyes, the striking golden hair.
Your whole body was like a surreal paint on canvas, only a broken figure colored with bloody red and black.
Where was the good looking human being whom cheered as a King by people and me, a while ago ?
Some people who stood there were stunned, covered their faces with both hands and silently cried, unbearable to look at You as a human.
Some looked at You with victorious smile, laughed, mocked You with abusive words.
I was silent. I was there…
***
The road to be travelled was small, curved , dusty and half covered by sharp gravels.
A crowd had piled along the road.
The mutes who now spoke, spitting on You
They who once worshipped You, now yelling and scolding
They who once leprosy and hungry , now healthy and plump , were trying to pull Your robe but the soldiers warded them off with their spear.
A thunder yelling from the Roman soldiers and people’s scolding buzzing around, coagulated into dust in the air, covered the whole sky with an oppressive feeling that burnt the crying souls , who mourned over the journey You had to endure.
The cross on Your shoulder weighed and pulled down Your weak body.
You fell for the second time.
A hard kick on Your knee could not make You stand right away.
You stayed on the dusty ground for a second.
And before the sharp blow touched Your naked arm, You staggeringly stood.
A few women wailed a heartbreaking cry.
My heart bled, my voice caught in my throat.
You looked toward us, extended a hand , blessed each of us.
With a low voice that sounded like soft breeze brushed the sweating faces, You comforted us.
You who should be comforted, gave the strength to us.
The human strength captured Your weaken body.
A soldier grabbed a man to help You carrying the cross, the man said his name ; Simon from Cyrene.
His muscular body took over the weigh off Your shoulder.
With a bloody and disfigured face, You whispered a thank you.
There was joy sparkled on Simon’s face.
The end of Your journey was almost over
I was there…
***
A feeling of horror filled the Calvary.
Two crosses already hung.
One by one , people drew a distance from where You were
Only Your mother, Mary and few disciples came as close as the borderline drawn by the soldiers.
And the time came. A moment that wrenched every heart, ripped the soul, separated the bone from the flesh, cut every inch of the skin from the nerve, washed down every single stinky dust from every breath.
The blood that covered Your beautiful face and body had dried out.
Left only the purple black lumps on your humanity.
You were bare naked. The soldiers had divided Your robe between them. All things You owned had been ripped off from You. Like dust, the only thing left was Your breath.
And for the final torture, they awarded You with a pain that killed all Your human sense. A rusty nail tore Your vein, broke the bone in Your hands and feet. There was no sound.
You opened Your mouth, bowed and whispered to the Father who had turned His face away from You.
You said a prayer, cleansed every soul from the sucking mud and devil’s sting who built its kingdom in every anger, worries, disappointment, envy, greed for earthy desire, despair, bitterness…
The sky turned black, the earth cracked like furious beasts from every corner of the earth, tore the hearing nerves.
Everyone ran for a shelter. But there was no safe place from the sting of the earth and heaven’s rage.
The living souls were killed. The dead souls were arisen.
I was there.
***
The cry of fear vanished into the sound of the rumbling sky and crashing earth. Every soul trembled, cried out for forgiveness.
You looked onto the sky, Your scream conquered the anger of heaven and earth ; “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani…”
…surrendered Your soul, took off Your humanity…took the last breath…brought back to the Father every fractured soul trapped in sin…
“It is finished…”
The air froze.
Nothing made a sound.
The earth was silent. The sky was crying. Heaven was mourning.
The holy fragrance spelled from Your drooping body, cleansed every soul on earth.
I was there…
I was there… ( part One )
I took a piece of the most delicate linen
A new , dark purple one and still smelled like fresh air.
Joyfully, I laid it down on the dry and dusty road
cushioned Your steps to the glorious moment
I danced and waved two pieces of palm.
With many other thousands of people
we sang and exclaimed ‘Hosanna…’
Our victory, Glory to the Lord.
When You passed by where I stood,
I was stunned, speechless.
You looked at me and smiled
You smiled not only with Your lips but with Your eyes,
Thrust into my chest, pierced my soul,
it’s like touching my toes onto the refreshing Jordan river
when the heat stroke my skin.
Everyone was dancing, singing in a wild and thundering joy
swung with the shadow of Your robe till we lost You in the sight
I was there …
***
I stood shoulder on shoulder with thousand of people
in the front gate of Pontius Pilate’s yard.
Everyone was pushing around, jerking and kicking
I didn’t care whom I pushed to make myself reach the door
and moved quickly into the courtyard.
The sound of people talking was like the sound of a hundred thousand buzzing bees,
piercing my eardrum, breaking my consciousness.
Suddenly,there was a chilling silence when I caught Your presence,
stood between the pillars on the patio.
Your golden hair unraveled and messy,
Your white robe had turned into a dusty color.
You had no belt on your waist , instead You had Your both hands roped
But there was one thing that remained the same…
It’s like standing right in front of You,
I looked at the smiling eyes
Passing through the distance between Your place and mine.
My soul trembled.
I was dead silence, losing my mind.
Everyone was yelling about Golgotha and Crucifixion and Barabbas and You
I didn’t make a sound, my lips were numb.
Some people were shouting, like hungry lions, preyed upon their victim
Some other were wailing, shooting up their fists , punched over the sky
Some women were weeping, some other were laughing
I didn’t make a sound, I didn’t make a choice
I was there…
HE had no choice, HE only got a reason
HE wasn’t asked to choose
If ever HE made a choice
Would it had been to not
take the path ?
endure the journey ?
take a turn and close the heart ?
Have you ever asked that ?
I have.
And I see my image in HIS sparkling eyes
My name whispered in HIS compassionate smile
My soul engraved in HIS loving heart
My weight carried on HIS stout shoulders
My tears cupped in HIS gentle palms
My flaws marked on HIS footstep
My happiness spread in HIS embrace
And
I hear ME echoes in the sound of HIS answer…
meraki 